This is the e-mail I received from my brother this morning. He needed me to go to the UT Campus Computer Store to buy Microsoft Office products cheaper than he can get at that fancy-pants California university.

Subject: What I Need From The Candy Store

I need Microsoft Office for MAC, and a bag of all red and yellow jelly beans, and then in a seperate bag I need an all orange bag. The red and yellow will go into a container which I will take to college and use it as a treat to lure people into becoming my friends, and possibly developing an awesome nickname like “CANDY MAN”. The all orange bag I will eat as soon as it is in my hands. I apologize for the price of jelly beans being like $8.70 a lb, and I cannot pay you back in any form for that is my hourly wage.

With much appreciation,
Bradley

This is from one of Bradley’s friends, right before my brother went to a Latin conference this summer:

Indiangoth5678: wear sunblock
TheArpeggio: fuck that
Indiangoth5678: haha
TheArpeggio: i wana be tan for my latin bitches
TheArpeggio: and by tan
TheArpeggio: i mean the crayola white, currently im just whitewash