Scenario: I walk out of the bathroom into the kitchen wearing an oversized, old and stained men’s undershirt with disposable gloves on my hands.

Me: I need a plastic spoon. *beat* I’m dying my hair.
Josh: I figured it was that or you were making meth.

***

Scenario: Last month, we went on a long weekend trip to Nashville, and I was surprised by hotel prices downtown. I have been surprised by hotel prices since 2005 when Josh and I planned our first overnight trip to San Antonio when I thought a hotel should be about $60 a night, and we paid triple that to stay at the Omni. I hunt for decent hotel prices.

Me: We don’t have a hotel yet. My goal is to find something decent with a good cancellation policy, book it, and then Priceline something cheaper the week of our trip to save money.
Josh: Ah, that’s the American dream right there.

***

Me: *scrolling through Instagram* Do you know who the most talented human being is?
Josh: Beyoncé?
Me: True, but the second most.
Josh: Who?
Me: Michele the calligrapher.
Josh: She IS the most talented human being.

***

Scenario: The Bachelor starts on TV as Josh is washing the dishes in the kitchen. I am not a Bachelor watcher, but usually gleam bits of season from social media.

Josh: *watching the first few seconds which are a recap*
All of these women look like clones of each other. I can’t tell them apart. How does he?
Me: There are actually twins competing this season. So two of the people ARE the same!
Josh: That makes me feel better.

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