Just A Lady Without A Baby

What it is like when you are in a relationship that is at its weakest point in nine years, but biologically, your body is ready to have a baby.

On Mother’s Day, I called home to discuss buying a new point-and-shoot camera for Bradley’s graduation trip with Dad. We chatted for a few minutes, and before saying goodbye, Dad said:

I thought you were calling to tell me you were going to be a mother yourself.

I laughed, really hard. I think it hid my pain pretty well.

Bradley and I are discussing adopting dogs. A reminder: the McMahon’s never had a dog when we were children. Bradley agrees that everyone would be excited if a puppy were to enter our lives now, everyone except mom. Dad would especially enjoy it. Bradley lists Dad’s wants in life:

1. M&Ms
2. Grandchild
3. Dog

Josh came home at his normal time, 9:30pm with groceries. He kissed me hello. I bought new sandals that night because I needed new sandals. I had just taken them off from breaking them in on the carpet. I was barefoot.

Josh said he had something to tell me, and like a Bandaid, he should just rip it off. I thought of the limited possibilities that this could be, and due to his facial expression, I knew it wasn’t any of his current family drama bubbling up. I thought he was going to tell me that he had to work on Fourth of July, when we have tickets for the Nationals game. He then told me his co-clerk from last year is pregnant. Then he followed up with his other female co-clerk from last year is pregnant. There was an e-mail chain that he saw on his way home from work.

I stand up from the couch. I have to leave here for a bit, I said out loud. Then I remembered I didn’t have on shoes. I took three steps towards the bedroom and realized my shoes weren’t in there, they were by the dining table. I turned towards my shoes and broke in half. I doubled over and started to cry. Sob. Wail.

That’s probably the hardest thing Josh has ever had to tell me in the nine years of our relationship.

People who have announced their pregnancies or had children in the last twelve months:

Seven OT12 clerks or spouses (that we know of)
A guy I dated in college
Chelsea Clinton